It's all about Meme, Michael Jackson and cocktails with awards

It's time to dish out some awards from the Truth Side. Don't worry; it's not as gloomy or evil (unfortunately) as the Dark Side, but certainly not as bloody boring as the Goody Two Shoes Side either. Some people don't like these awards. I'm not one of them. I get tired of blowing my own horn sometimes so when someone else does it for me, I'm grateful.

First: a word of thanks to otherworldlyone for giving me this beauty :) I've always wanted a Michael Jackson staring at me with those adoring eyes. Not many can pull of the "white glove" without ending up just looking stupid. Michael did white glove and creepy: a combination only he could master.

Moving on. The first award being dished out is the premium Meme award from Matthew at Resurrected Ramblings all the way from the land down under. Thanks to Shane Warne and George Gregan I have never really been fond of Australians, but this point of view is slowly changing thanks to our rugby team currently being the best in the world and Super 16 winners AGAIN great bloggers exploding from the kangaroo's sack, so to speak ;)

Anyway, this award requires the recipient to "list 7 personality traits exhibited by their writing." Here goes nothing:

1. My writing is always personal. And yes, I know everyone's usually is but they haven't claimed that one yet so it's mine now. There's a piece of me in every post I write, be it good or bad and I think it's the closest thing (except for my dogs of course) to a baby I'll ever have. I like to tell stories about the Willy Wonkas I meet, the people claiming to be my family and the rest of my encounters with people resembling all walks of life. Not only do they make for interesting posts, but lasting memories I could look back on and laugh my last breath out when thinking about them.

2. Speaking about laughter: I'm a Patch Adams at heart. I'm just not a doctor and I resent the fact that he dresses up like a clown because there are other ways to spread the funny without freaking your already damaged patients the hell out. And I'm cuter than Robin Williams. Okay, maybe Patch Adams was a bad example, but I believe that laughter is the answer to World Peace (I just solved the biggest problem in your life, beauty contestants). It's like what Morgan Freeman said in the movie Feast of love:

"There is a story about the Greek Gods: they were bored so they invented human beings. But they were still bored so they invented love. Then the weren't bored any longer. So they decided to try love for themselves. And finally they invented laughter: so they could stand it."

The point is: if you can't laugh about is, someone else sure will.

3. My writing is always long and elaborate to say the least. I think I have yet to write a short post which irritates me at times and I'm sure the reader as well having to concentrate and sit still for two minutes. I especially feel for the ADD ones.

4. I can't seem to stick to the point. It's like that in my everyday life as well. Luckily I don't work in the military because sticking to the mission would've been torture for me. Now I just torture readers with my long posts. At least this way there will be no physical damage except maybe getting some cellulite from sitting on your butt for long periods of time reading and writing comments. As for the psychological damage from these posts? Don't look at me! Go see a shrink. It helped Tony Soprano and he killed people for a living.

5. I don't believe in happy endings hence the whole happily AFTER ever because no one ever seems to bother making a movie about what happens three years after the seemingly elated and I-want-to-tear-your-clothes-off-after-attempting-to-carry-your-fat-ass-across-the-threshold-newly married couple closes the door behind them only to reveal two and a half screaming kids and a colic baby with bills piling up on the kitchen counter four years later with the crazy sex being nonexistent or mediocre and bad. At varsity I used to kill at least one character in the stories I had to write for class. And that was on a good day. Don't worry, I'm not mental: just realistic and sober (tonight).

6. I like sarcasm. Too much at times since it got me into trouble way too often at my old job as a teacher. You'd be amazed at how serious fourteen and fifteen year olds are at times. And what ever happened to teenagers not telling their parents anything after their 12th birthday?

"Where do we have to draw a line, Miss?" little Mary asks after I'd already given that specific instruction for the umpteenth time that same period.

"Preferably at 'take off your clothes and dance on the table so I can tape you and post it on Youtube, baby.' Otherwise you could just draw it right underneath the date, Dipsy."

Puzzled look from Mary.

The next day I got called to the Principal's office for a spanking sit down with Mary's mother wanting to know why I'm teaching sex ed in my language class.

"It's called integration, Mrs. Mary, which it's part of the new syllabus. And I'm actually giving you more value for your hard earned money you need to plow back into your ungrateful child's education by teaching two subjects at once."

Mary's mom shook my hand and asked the principal to give me a raise.

7. What you see is pretty much what you get. I won't seduce you with big, I-have-to-look-that-one-up-in-the-dictionary-words and beautifully constructed, eloquent sentences. This is me. I'm not perfect all the time, but at least you won't catch me wearing green and red at the same time. Some days you'll have me at my best, most of them at my worst but at least you know what to expect. Just don't compare me to that old, trusty dog you had once or I'll high five your face, jackass.

I'd like to pass this award on to the following people for various reasons:

Why, how and other abstract questions

thegirlwiththepinkteacup

a day in the life

Advice and humor from Mr. Condescending

andy warhol goes shopping

bateau de banane

blogged down at the moment

blogging is for dorks

bored neoclassical guy

calling people names

expateek

john and steve are having a baby

life in left field

Lola Lakely

Meditations in an Emergency

Mo "Mad Dog" Stoneskin

My soul is a butterfly

Pics and poems

Proud Maisie

See foxes?

The caped tirader

The japing ape

The yellow factor

This is why your hold time's so long

You. Me. No adult supervision

JennyMac and Judearoo: you have already been tagged, but you know you would've made "The List." ;)

I'm really looking forward to read about the 7 personality traits in your writing, so get busy already.

The next award is from Jennymac currently enjoying some time back in her hometown of Seattle. The only thing I know about Seattle is Grey's Anatomy and if I were to have my appendix removed while being in Seattle, I would love to have McDreamy get his hands on me. A girl can dream, okay!

This award has the following rules:

"Make a cocktail, pick out some of your favorite bloggers. Send this award to 4 of them. Tell them why you think they give good blog."

Cocktail: check. I just made myself a white Russian.

This is the tough part for me because I hate singling out only a few people for awards. It's like going to try outs for cheerleaders or the football team or the play and you give your darn best by almost breaking a leg/arm/vocal chord and leave it all on the stage. When you hear the announcement that the results are up on the board next to the hall, you dash there during break time and search frantically for your name. I hate that feeling of suspense, but I can only give this one to 4 bloggers. I'm just going to bite the bullet:

otherworldlyone: she never ceases to amaze me. Just when I think I can't laugh any louder, I can't read any faster to see what she'd been up to, I can't scroll down frantically enough, I do. Her stories are straight from her big heart (and what a wild one it is) and although I think she'd crack me for saying this, she's like Dr. Phil in the sense that she always tells it like it is. Reading her blog is having dessert for breakfast: awesome and something that just never gets old.

Matthew: when I first started reading this man's blog I felt the way a football scout probably feels when he discovers the next John Terry slash Didier Drogba or when a talent scout discovers the next Janis Joplin. He actually reminds me of Dave Matthews back in the day when he was just "the guy singing in that pub." We used to drive up to see some friends in Johannesburg who loved going to this pub where Dave always played. Nobody knew who he was or where he came from; all that mattered was the music. And it was good. It's only years later that our friend recognised his voice on the radio and found out "the guy singing in the pub" has become pretty famous since then. Dave can't go to our little pub anymore without having lingerie or socks or condoms thrown on stage (don't worry: they haven't been used yet, Matthew).

Anyway, in Matthew's quiet way he won me over after reading the first post and since then I've never been disappointed. I assure you: neither will you.

Eric: this anything but boring guy was the first blog I started following. I found him by clicking "next blog" on the top menu bar and since then he's been my "THE blog." Eric is from the South, but his passion is all things Italian and he makes carving marble seem like the sensual journey of discovering a woman's body (don't blush now, Eric) and now even I am interested in it. His blog is informative without being "teachery" while he still manages to throw in a little humor that's like the olive in my martini. This modest gentleman's writing is like a drug of which you will soon become a full blown junky.

The girl with the pink teacup: she is probably like the Mona Lisa of the blogworld or the Tony Soprano of New Jersey. She is known and loved by all because she not only writes about blow jobs in a way it feels like having a slice of death by chocolate being licked off your fingers by Jensen Ackles, but because she takes time to leave long and sincere comments on your blog making you feel like you didn't write that piece for nothing. She has that rare gift of mesmerising you with her words and taking you on a journey to worlds still undiscovered. You meet writers like her once in a lifetime, if you're lucky enough.

Tennyson: I know I'm only allowed 4, but since crossing paths with this drummer, I have to bend the rules just a little bit. He gives you the impression of being just another average Joe, but his writing begs to differ. I especially liked the post he wrote about how Lady Hem proposed to him. His blog gives me a sense of comfort and after reading it I usually have a smile on my face. Through his writing I know he's a loyal friend and if he's music is anything like his writing, he must be pretty kick ass.

Judearoo: I know I'm pushing it now, but this girl is worth it. At times she reminds me of Dill from "To kill a mockingbird" when he says to Jem and Scout: "I'm little, but I'm old." Judearoo's writing delivers a little bit of everything: sometimes playful, sometimes sweet, sometimes as beautiful as a sunset in Paris and sometimes all these things combined. Definitely worth checking out.

Have fun with these awards, kids, and spread it like the legs of a lady of the night. I'm going to cool my typing-tired fingers around another cocktail; have a good week.